Okay, after working out I did have a big yen for some Jameson's, but so far so good.
Occasionally, I have been incredibly tired and fluctuate from sleeping more than I usually do to insomnia, but these are issues I have always struggled with.
I think my biggest disappointment is not losing any weight. Of course, I have been more ice cream than I usually do which is never.
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Saturday, July 5, 2014
To poorly quote Meatloaf, “Three out of twelve ain’t bad…” Day 3
Fatigue is the word of the day!
Fatigue is just one symptom of PAWS, post acute withdrawal
syndrome. Essentially PAWS is what happens to your brain and body after you’re
through with the first 72 hours of the scary stuff. The PAWS stage can last for months, as in
three to nine. Yippee! Below are a few of the symptoms.
Attacks of anxiety
Irritability
Sudden mood swings
Fatigue
Lack of motivation
Insomnia
Inability to concentrate
Obsessive thoughts
Fluctuating energy levels
Memory loss
Difficulty in solving problems and thinking clearly
Depression
Okey dokey, I have fatigue, irritability, and fluctuating energy
levels. And, maybe a smidgen of depression. And lack of motivation although it
is a Saturday, and I baked cooies yesterday.
Woke up at 9:30 which for me is huge. The last time I woke
that late on a Saturday I had the swine flu.
All day I’ve been very tired and, what is the word? Oh yeah, bitchy. My son loves the movies and loves Superman,
and I thought I would tear my hair out if I heard one more word about Clark
Kent. I love my son!
Also, more than a few thoughts about a little whiskey or the
frozen margaritas at Hopdoddy’s which are the best. Time to change the subject.
10:30 p.m.: Looks like I will be going to bed soon which is
about two hours earlier than I usually do.
Friday, July 4, 2014
Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic… Day 2
"Alcohol is like love. The first kiss is magic, the second is intimate, the third is routine. After that you take the girl's clothes off." Raymond Chandler
In addition to potential bad odor, fatigue is one of the major withdrawal symptoms as well as sleeplessness. I
was very tired and went to bed around 12:30 last night which could also be due to our new dog, Lolita, who comes to MY side of the bed at 5:30 almost every morning. Her internal clock might as well be Swiss as if it's not 5:30, it's 5:31. But she's sweet.
Slept terrible primarily because
I was hot, sweaty and gross. More aggravation is either my husband has the libido of a snail or he
is simply not attracted to me any more. Sucks as I am feeling very frisky
lately. Verrrrry frisky!
Health:
Not feeling so good this morning, but I don’t want to anticipate it’s all
withdrawal although I can’t discount the possibility. A little nausea, but did not eat a whole lot
for dinner, and the ever-present sweating. I don’t smell… I don’t think. I wonder if my withdrawal
symptoms may be worse than previous attempts, as recently changed my drink of choice from red wine to the aforementioned whiskey in the freezer. Irish whiskey packs a
more intense alcohol percentage level than red wine so who knows. Could this affect my withdrawal/detoxification?
Cravings:
The
good news was that last night I had just a few rumbles of desire. A couple of
times it was if I could taste the Irish whiskey. Sense memory?
I do love the taste. DARN IT. However, the good news the longing was both very manageable and brief.
The bad news is I had
a few moments this afternoon when I really wanted a glass of a good Syrah or
Cabernet. I know this is grasping at
straws, but I am sometimes reassured that I crave specific drinks rather than
just alcohol as in vodka. There are
times when I think I like alcohol as much for the experiences it represents
than for the drinking.
Red wine = Italian or good food in general and entertaining.
Sparkling wine, cava and Vinho Verde = Relaxing in the sun with a European flair.
Irish Whiskey = Ireland, mysteries, rain, and my dad
Beer = Simple fun/friends
Can you imagine a British mystery that doesn't mention brandy at least once?
Okay,
end of day here:
Overall
not too many, if any problems. Perhaps my nausea was due to something else. Read
all day, except for some sweating time on the elliptical that was needed expelling toxins, don't you know. Nice to sweat on purpose rather than just be Jabba the Hut.
A
little headachey, but not unusual for a dirty, desert city, and my eyes aren’t quite as
puffy although my hands are a little.
I
have noticed that I am eating more sugar and fat. Made chocolate chip oatmeal cookies as well
as macaroni and cheese.
No wonder it's called "Battling Addiction" at times. It's all so physical.
Day one of no fun. Abstaining from demon alcohol, 24 hours and counting.
July 3, 2014 - Day 1.
Okay,
time to do something about my drinking. I've struggled with the fact that I possibly…probably…drink too much. Over the past several years, I have embraced red wine, Cava, and now Irish Whiskey. I like it all. Well, not vodka.
I’ve weaned myself from red wine and
champagne only to find out how much I enjoy that darned frozen Jameson’s or
Tullamore Dew. Nothing better than a small crystal glass with Jameson's or TD placed carefully in the ice portion of the freezer for a minimum of thirty minutes. It gets gold and frosty and is delicately sweet, delicious with a hint of some floral essence. After I've drunk the whiskey and the glass dries, it smells delicately floral. How can this be bad?
The bad comes from how much. I don’t want to admit how much I can drink, but I have to. I can
take down half a bottle in a day. Two to three ounces out of the freezer at a
time. Scary.
I'm woman. I have breast cancer in my family. I have come close to driving after more than one trip to the freezer. I also have a 16 year old son so I do not want to drive after one of those trips to the freezer.
I
don’t want to be someone that can never drink, but I need to get a handle my control! My son, my health and my looks are at the heart of it. My husband is a little unrealistic about any drinking as he no longer drinks at all. He isn't in recovery; he simply does not care for it anymore. You know how fun people are who don't drink around people who do. Yep, fun times, but he does have a point in that I need
to curb my current intake.
It’s
been over 24 hours since I had anything and so far so good.
I've read up on the symptoms of withdrawal and no obvious symptoms
of tremors, palpitations or nausea. Nice. Maybe I don't drink as much as I thought. One of the grosser articles talked about the odor of an ex-drinker. Yuck, I mean yuck. I'm a girl. I don't want to smell unless it's like violets and roses or sandalwood and something good. I have been sweaty which is gross, but that could be in part to menopause although I
think that the majority is due to the whiskey. That and the 106 degree weather outside I guess that is something I will have to figure out if I can stay off
the alcohol. The thought of smelling bad is almost as disturbing as the thought of being an alcoholic. Okay, I'll be vain. It ties.
My
goal is to write about this every day and see how I do in regards to symptoms
and control.
Should I reward myself? $7 a day? $15?
Good luck me!
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